Hands with wedding rings
Do you think your status as “mentally ill” or “well” affects who you marry? Or how your feel about your marriage or your spouse?
I found something on the net that said that people who have problems with depression improve after marriage, even if it is a so-so marriage. Marriage is good for people, even if it is a not the best marriage. A bad, abusive marriage is not good. Read story here.
I wonder if people “settle” when they have a mental illness…thinking who would want them with their mental illness. Have you ever experienced losing a boyfriend or girlfriend because of mental illness?
Have you put up with things that you wouldn’t have put up with before you were diagnosed?
8 comments
Comments feed for this article
August 20, 2008 at 8:32 am
giannakali
I don’t think I ever really considered myself mentally ill. It never stopped me from dating or making friends and no one I knew was “mentally ill.” I really don’t fit the profile and never did.
In any case, I still didn’t actually believe anyone would ever love me and I think a lot of people feel that way whether or not they are mentally ill. I dated a lot but had virtually no long term relationships….
I married late at age 36…and really it was the only decent relationship I’ve ever had. It’s far from perfect but my husband is a good man. I don’t think I could’ve done better. Sometimes I think I’d be better alone but that is not because I don’t think my husband is a good man and when I think I’d be better alone I don’t’ think about dating anyone else.
I don’t know if that answered any of your questions…but I just sorta rambled…I read your post this morning and am just responding now at 7 pm…
August 20, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Depression In Marriage « Depression
[...] Marriage and mental illness – Or how your feel about your marriage or your spouse? I found something on the net that said that people who have problems with depression improve after marriage, even if it is a so-so marriage. Marriage is good for people, even if [...] [...]
August 21, 2008 at 12:21 pm
naturalgal
Hi Gianna,
I guess I thought I was….you mean even though you were labeled, you never accepted the label? Why did you take the pills then?
I bet a lot of people who are unsure of their status “settle” or stay in situations that are not ideal.
When I told men I dated about my diagnosis some dropped me. One used it as a way to tell me what to do. (Since I didn’t know for myself….ya know…he was controling)
August 22, 2008 at 2:32 am
giannakali
I accepted the label on some level but on another I never let it define me…everyone I knew I told them I had bipolar….it was a weird surreal time…
No one I know ever judged me based on my label in the real world…the only place I was severely abused by the label was in the hospital…and by some doctors I had early on.
I WAS damaged profoundly in some ways, but in other ways I never let it touch me…I don’t know how to explain…
In any case, I never presented myself as though there was something wrong with me…so people didn’t perceive me that way for the most part…
and I think it’s because the truth is I never was mentally ill….
I took hallucinogens and flipped out…end of story…except of course it wasn’t…but it should have been. It could have been.
August 22, 2008 at 2:37 am
naturalgal
Oh boy… I sure let it define me.
The first thing I said when the doc told me was….
“You mean I’m mentally ill!!!!”
He said, “No you are not mentally ill!” And it a way he was right…but in another way he was not right if he was giving me that label.
My mom called it a “no-fault” “brain disease.” She daily would talk about people with “no-fault” brain diseases.” As a person with a head injury…it would be their fault for not wearing a helmet????
It permeated my very being.
September 6, 2008 at 2:42 pm
David
I always knew there was something not-right with me, although I was (and am) an incredibly high-functioning, responsible person. Now that I understand the scope and depth of my emotional and psychological fragmentation, I have deliberately chosen not to date, and I doubt I will ever have a life partner. I can’t even begin to imagine telling someone about my highly complex problem (I have dissociative identity disorder), and I can’t imagine not choosing an inappropriate partner due to feeling that I will never be able to be a “normal” partner for anyone. Even if I were psychologically and emotionally “normal,” my requirements for a partner would be unusual and difficult to fufill … so if I add those to the fact that I will have to confess to being completely nuts, I’m pretty sure it’s the end of the road for me as far as relationships. Then again, looking around, I’m not convinced that I’m missing much.
September 6, 2008 at 10:56 pm
Naturalgal
Thanks for you comments David. I have always wanted a partner so what you are saying would be very hard for me to do. But you might be saving yourself a lot of heartache by staying single.
September 11, 2009 at 4:34 am
sandrar
Hi! I was surfing and found your blog post… nice! I love your blog.
Cheers! Sandra. R.