You are currently browsing the monthly archive for May 2009.


I am wondering what to do today. I think I might try to find a church that has a good rock band.

Yesterday was a beautiful day. I went to the farmers market and purchased a tomato plant to grow inside my studio and I also got some cut tulips.

I haven’t done too much research on the aluminum. I did find this interesting link with discussion.  Most are saying they think aluminum is okay. Many are saying so because their aged grandmothers used aluminum cookware for over 50 years.


Hello, I am still here. Thought I should post something, but I have been pretty busy.  I have thoughts on quite a few things.  Like why am I so tired?  Maybe not eating right?  Maybe I have a lot of things going on, or it is stress? Maybe I am staying up later than I think and waking earlier than I think in order to accomplish my goals.

As some of you know I am living in a little studio apartment.  Everything I own is light weight so that I can move it myself if and when I decide to move.  Like I have an air mattress rather than a bed.

Anyway, when I moved out of the joint living space with my husband, I grabbed our  camping cook set for pots and pans and they are made of aluminum. I also have a little microwave. I am wondering if the aluminum cook set is bad for me. I have read and her that it possibility could cause Alzheimer’s disease. I had a friend over to my place last night and she brought her own tea. She doesn’t like microwaves and wanted me to boil water for the tea.  She wasn’t too thrilled with the aluminum pans either. She say glass or ceramic is best. She said the tea even tasted different.

I hope to research this topic more.

I miss what we had. Lots of good times. We had a little girl too

I miss what we had. Lots of good times. We had a little girl too

Today is an anniversary for me. Today is a reprint of a post I ran last year on this date. My current husband and I are separated. We are both trauma survivors and I thought we would be partners in this life. I thought we would be a team protecting each other from the this crazy industry and building each other up. We do protect each other. But my husband in private is a controlling man, who sees himself a notch above me. In this second marriage we both have achieved much in the outside world.

Here is the post I ran last year about how I lost the first love of my live.

I believe psychiatric medication had a huge hand in destroying my first marriage

I would have been married for 29 years if I had not gotten divorced.

I still miss my first husband. (I know that is probably a terrible thing to admit publicly because it would hurt present-time hubby.)

My first hubby was very nice. We were very, very young when we got married, but we were married for 15 years. For the most part it was a good, pleasant marriage. I had depression, but I had that before I married him. (Yes, I suppose it was the now-trendy “childhood depression.”)

I blame the pysch-industry for the failure of my marriage. I blame them for doping me up. I blame them for what I now believe was medication-induced mania.

I did some things I am ashamed of when in manic states. I first made a comment about the crazy things people do on Susan Benard’s Bipolar Wellness Writer blog. Susan doesn’t think mania causes a person to do anything against their own moral codes. You can read her post about that issue here.

Hubby hated that I took medication. He said the medication made me into a zombie. Words that still bring tears to my eyes are, “I am sick and tired of being married to a zombie!”

I thought he was cold-hearted at the time. I thought he didn’t realize that that the medication was similar to being in a wheelchair. Would he say the same thing to a woman in a wheelchair I wondered?

Hubby hated my psychiatrists. Not at first he didn’t. The first time the psych-doc diagnosed me as bipolar he asked me to bring me hubby along. Hubby told the doc that he had known my father, and my father had problems getting “worked-up” and letting things go.

At first hubby was supportive. But as time went on he became angry. I asked him to help me with my cocktail of meds. He refused saying, “I’m not going to be your baby-sitter.” That hurt.

I wasn’t getting better, I changed doctors because I believed he was incompetent in finding the correct med for me. (Now I know there is no such thing as the “correct med.”) We also had to change insurance to do this. The next doctor tried to talk to hubby on the phone. She told my hubby that I was a very, very sick woman. I don’t know what else they talked about. All I know is that after that conversation those two hated each other. At a latter appointment she didn’t have much good to say about him.

I remember phoning the doctor and screaming into the answering machine, (we didn’t call it voice mail back then) I screamed into the phone that I loved my husband, he was a good man, and how dare she talk about him with disrespect. The doc phoned me back in a soothing voice and said that I was absolutely correct.

While still married to my husband I would cry to my doc and say, “I just want my husband back.” She gave me some advice…but it was bad. (it was obscene, actually, and it turned him off big-time.)

After my divorce my mother told me that hubby said he could put up with my depressions, but not the manic episodes.

When my husband and I separated. I went to my mom’s. I phoned my doc and she replied, “What a Godsend!” I was sitting at my mom’s thousands of miles from our home, missing my hubby and she thought it was a “Godsend.”

My first husband thought I was beautiful and intelligent. He was interested in what I had to say. He was proud of me. I was proud of him. Years later, my heart still jumped when he walked into the room. Pride still welled up inside of me when he achieved an accomplishment. I can count the number of times he insulted me on one hand. He hardly ever said anything that would hurt me on purpose. Whenever I went out in public, I would proudly show off my husband. Or if I were with people who were in his circle of friends, but not mine, I would proudly say “I’m “hisname’s” wife!”

Sometimes I lay in at the edge of my bed at night and a tear will roll down my check. I miss him so bad.

(May 24, 2009 – Some of this pain has gone now. I go in and out of missing him. My second marriage is not good and I am separated from my husband right now. )


May 24, 2009 – Last year there was a discussion on why  bipolar people and others diagnosed as mentally ill need to take responsibility for their actions during their episodes.   A fellow blogger and my friend, Duane Sherry said,

“We say that all people are due civil rights, and that NAMI and the TAC have no authority to insist on ‘medical compliance’ – our own healthcare is our business.

And it certainly is – as long as we continue to take responsibility for our own actions. The moment we stop, is the exact moment that we lose our rights.

If a person is unwilling to do so, then they will be seen as ‘unable’ to do so, and they will quickly be made ‘able’ by persuasion, coercion or legal force.”

You can read the discussion on Bipolar Wellness Writer’s “The Disease is NOT the Person post.

See my comment and what sparked the discussion on Bipolar Wellness Writer’s post, “Dealing with Mania and Hypo-mania”

Her post on April 25, 2008 was about regrets, forgiveness, and letting go of the past. Read that here under Inspirational quotes.


I am just posting to keep my blog current. I have lots of thoughts, just don’t know about posting them.

I have been trying eat healthily and take all my supplements.

I had been forgetting my vitamin B’s. And I was very tired. So maybe I needed them.

I ate trout today.

Last time I went to Weight Watchers I had gained two pounds….gr…so it made me 2.2 pound over goal. I go to Weight Watchers every week. I don’t have to pay because I am at goal. It is so much easier just to go every week and get weighed for free. Then if I do gain I can jump right on it.

Businessweek ran an article about the richest people in over 100 of America’s cities.

I browsed through them and found a few that made their millions…or billions with health care type products.
Randal J. “RJ” Kirk

How’d he get so rich? Kirk is the fast-moving, faster-talking founder of GIV (General Injectibles & Vaccines) and New River Pharmaceuticals, which pioneered the development of the breakthrough ADHD drug Vyvanse. In 2005 he sold New River to Shire, the maker of Adderall, for $2.6 billion. Today he runs private equity firm Third Security, a life sciences venture fund.

And in Des Moines Iowa it is a farm boy turned multi national pesticide marketeer.Des Moines (Ankeny, Iowa)
Dennis Albaugh
In Louisville it is David A. Jones Senior, for his for profit health care.

In Morgantown, W. Va. it is Milan “Mike” Puskar for his generic drugs. (I had never heard of this company.)

In Nashville it is Thomas F. Frist Jr. founder of the Hospital Corporation of America. ( A company that a medical professional in my family worked for 2 years..and after than took vow to NEVER work for a health care company that is “for profit.”

And in Portland Maine it is Roxanne Quimby co-founder of Burt’s Bees, an environmentally friendly consumer products company. She sold out to Clorox.

Well, that’s enough for today. I need to get onto other things in my life. But what I did here was focus on a couple ways to make a lot of money…health care and owning things indirectly related to health care…like pesticides. Too bad Roxanne Quimby co-founder of Burt’s Bees sold out. Who knows I probably would do the same thing.

Minnesota mental health patient Ray Sandford forced into electro-shock therapy

Sandford says repeatedly: “I don’t want to do this”

By Matt Snyders
Published on May 19, 2009 at 11:26am

Ray Sandford doesn’t want to do this.

On a sunny yet cool mid-April morning, the pear-shaped 54-year-old emerges from the front door of his ranch-style group home in Columbia Heights. Wearing a black windbreaker and gray sweatpants, he grips the handle of his four-pronged cane and plods begrudgingly toward the street. One of Sandford’s caretakers, a large woman wearing all purple, follows perfunctorily behind to see him to his destination.

He’s told them repeatedly he doesn’t want to do this.

Read the story here.


Well, I haven’t written much. I read Gianna’s blog about withdrawal from her psychotropic drugs.

I use the computer so much I got a case of numbness in my right index finger. Last year I had carpel tunnel in my left hand…the palm. I thought I was doomed…but the chiropractor fixed it with laser therapy.

Well, today I had a treatment on my right hand. The chiropractor also cracked my neck and back. I can talk freely to my chiropractor about what psych drugs did to me.

This evening I went to an event. I looked at the men there and I wondered if the nice, smiling and joking guys were jerks at home. Sheesh, I used to have maybe even a roving eye. Now I look at  men and wonder if they have any respect for their wives or just think they are king of the castle.

It has been 10 years since I was last hospitalized. I came out of the hospital on Risperidal. I remember thinking my life was over. I remember wanting a man, knowing that I wanted company. I just wanted a man to have a friend. I knew I would be a good wife, a good friend.

Well, it never occurred to me that a man wouldn’t have respect for me. It never occurred to me that if I married a man so that the two of us could help each other…that he might think he was better than me.

I looked around at the event. I looked at the respectable men…I wanted to cry.

After I came out of the hospital I fell into the trap of wanting to be rescued. I was a pscyh victim. All I wanted was a nice man …maybe I suppose to rescue me.

That never works. Nobody can resuce you. If you need to be resuced the man you get will not respect you.

Molly Hogan holds up a poster with  photos of her mother and grandmother, who experienced extreme psychiatric human rights violations. Molly Hogan is a nurse who is coordinator of the MindFreedom Bay Area Affiliate. Molly is shown here with photographs of her mother who had forced electroshock (lower left), grandmother who had a lobotomy (upper right) and stepmother who had forced electroshock. Photo credit: MindFreedom. Molly Hogan supporting victims of psychiatric torture.

Molly Hogan is a nurse who is coordinator of the MindFreedom Bay Area Affiliate. Molly is shown here with photographs of her mother who had forced electroshock (lower left), grandmother who had a lobotomy (upper right) and stepmother who had forced electroshock. Photo credit: MindFreedom. Molly Hogan supporting victims of psychiatric torture.

MindFreedom International and California Network of Mental Health Clients co-sponsored a peaceful protest of the American Psychiatric Association Annual Meeting today Sunday, 17 May 2009, in front of the Moscone Center, San Francisco.

From the Mindfreedom website:
SAN FRANCISCO, CA: As psychiatrists arrived at the Moscone Center in San Francisco for their Annual Meeting they were greeted by survivors of psychiatric human rights violations and their allies, a powerful sound system, and stories of psychiatric abuse and survival. About 50 protesters from five states participated in a “Festival of Resistance” co-sponsored by MindFreedom International and California Network of Mental Health Clients (CNMHC).

Calling it a “Festival of Resistance,” the event began with a skit using a 10-foot hypodermic needle prop that said “Mad Pride” on one side and “Truth Hypo” on the others. About a dozen guerilla theater participants in white coats bowed repeatedly chanting, “Oh Big Giant Hypo, Please Help Us Be Normal!” But soon the Big Giant Hypo, and the protesters, were giving the APA meeting itself a truth injection.

The protest was part of a growing “Mad Pride” movement that has been seeking change in mental health care for 40 years, and is finally gaining more public attention.

The focus of the day was about individuals who have experienced abuse in the mental health system, supported by their allies. One speaker was Molly Hogan, a nurse who is the coordinator for the MindFreedom San Francisco Bay Area Affiliate.

Molly told the story of her mother who had forced electroshock. Molly is shown here pointing to her mother. On the top of Molly’s sign is a photo of Molly’s grandmother, who had a lobotomy.

For more photos of the Festival of Resistance click here.

Other speakers included (partial list):

  • Frank Blankenship of Florida, MindFreedom Affiliate Support Committee Chair.
  • Delphine Brody, a protest organizer, and client/survivor advocate, Mental Health Services Act Director, CNMHC.
  • Leonard Roy Frank, activist, author & electroshock survivor.
  • Al Galves, PhD, of New Mexico, psychologist, mental health consumer, author, MFI board member.
  • Ashley McNamara, artist, writer, and activist with The Icarus Project & Bay Area Radical Mental Health Collective.
  • Matt Morrissey, mental health counselor, MFI board member;
  • David W. Oaks from Oregon, psychiatric survivor and director of MindFreedom International.
  • Ron Unger from Oregon, mental health counselor and coordinator, MF Lane County.
  • Sally Zinman, long-time client/survivor activist.

An open mike was held that included a number of other speakers.

The protest, held under a hot sun, was endorsed by CNMHC Social Accountability Work Group, Bay Area Radical Mental Health Collective, and The Icarus Project.

A steady theme for today’s protest was all the investigations revealing drug money corruption inside the American Psychiatric Association. One of the speakers was mental health worker Ron Unger from Oregon. When asked earlier why he came all the way from Oregon for the protest, Ron said:

“APA corruption has resulted in a multi-billion dollar industry which tells lies to keep people trapped on drugs that shrink their brains while shortening their lives. If the APA told the truth, many people could figure out how to use alternatives to retake responsibility for their own mental wellbeing

“The APA tells lies to sell drugs: it’s in need of a truth injection, to cure it’s unbalanced propaganda!

“The APA tells lies to trick people into relying on drugs that earn big profits, but often harm or even kill those who take them.  The APA should tell the truth about the hazards of medications,

“We want the APA to focus on increasing choices for mental heath and for full recovery, rather than telling lies to get people hooked on pills that shrink their brains and often kill them.”

The action today was completely independent, with no connection to a larger protest yesterday, Saturday, 16 May 2009, by the Citizens Commission on Human Rights (CCHR), an organization that is sponsored by the Church of Scientology.

MindFreedom director David W. Oaks said he was very grateful for all the support for today’s protest, 17 May, from so many sources.

“MindFreedom has been focusing on the Ray Sandford campaign in Minnesota,” said Oaks, speaking about protests against the forced ongoing outpatient electroshock of a 55-year-old man in Minnesota. “But exactly at the end of three days of protests in Minnesota two weeks ago we got contacted by Delphine Brody that California Network of Mental Health Clients was climbing on board.”

Many people helped today’s protest by providing water and snacks, creating props, carpooling participants to public transport, creating posters, making signs, organizing a pre-event reception, providing housing to protesters, and much more. Said Oaks, “We all got to see the power of unity and nonviolent direct action today! Mutual support and activism worked hand in hand. Thank you everyone! Please ask people to join and support MindFreedom International”

Ask your doctor if Ambilfy is right for you…wrong. Check out the T-shirt created by Kimbriel

Click here to see the T-shirt which lists the nasty “side-effects”.

Also veiw this video. Hat tip to Giana Kali of Beyond Meds and Phillip Dawdy of Furious Seasons.

PJ of Spin Original posted that she no longer believes she is or was bipolar. She had many problems or issues that needed to be worked on. She does believe that the medicine stabilized her for a while although she gained 50 pounds.

Read her post Biploar No More here.

Warning: Never quite psychiatric medications cold turkey. You can suffer painful, physical withdrawal symptoms as well as cause a rebound effect that will mimic psychiatric problems. Read more on Duane Sherry’s Discover and Recover blog on his WARNING tab.

May 2009
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