Hi,

Well, I haven’t written much. I read Gianna’s blog about withdrawal from her psychotropic drugs.

I use the computer so much I got a case of numbness in my right index finger. Last year I had carpel tunnel in my left hand…the palm. I thought I was doomed…but the chiropractor fixed it with laser therapy.

Well, today I had a treatment on my right hand. The chiropractor also cracked my neck and back. I can talk freely to my chiropractor about what psych drugs did to me.

This evening I went to an event. I looked at the men there and I wondered if the nice, smiling and joking guys were jerks at home. Sheesh, I used to have maybe even a roving eye. Now I look at  men and wonder if they have any respect for their wives or just think they are king of the castle.

It has been 10 years since I was last hospitalized. I came out of the hospital on Risperidal. I remember thinking my life was over. I remember wanting a man, knowing that I wanted company. I just wanted a man to have a friend. I knew I would be a good wife, a good friend.

Well, it never occurred to me that a man wouldn’t have respect for me. It never occurred to me that if I married a man so that the two of us could help each other…that he might think he was better than me.

I looked around at the event. I looked at the respectable men…I wanted to cry.

After I came out of the hospital I fell into the trap of wanting to be rescued. I was a pscyh victim. All I wanted was a nice man …maybe I suppose to rescue me.

That never works. Nobody can resuce you. If you need to be resuced the man you get will not respect you.

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