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What a wonderful way to unify prisoners, help them get excerise and manage a prsion. I first posted about this about a year ago.  In the U.S. we dope our prisoners up with psychotropic medications. I don’t know what the policy is in the Philippines.


Terence Real wrote a book about men and depression. Many men do not talk about their feelings because in our society we have convinced each other that it is “unmanly.” According to on Amazon review, “Real is convinced of the existence of a mental illness that is passed from fathers to sons in the form of rage, workaholism, distanced relationships from loved ones, and self-destructive behaviors ranging from stupid choices at work and in love to drug and alcohol abuse.”

Click here to see the Amazon site on this book.



About three weeks ago I gained almost five pounds.  I still look pretty good, but I want to be careful.  That’s why I go to Weight Watchers every week. I had been a lifetime member, meaning I had met my goal.

Now I have begun to lose. I am only 2.4 pounds over my goal weight. I went out to dinner with my husband last Friday. We were kinda careful about what we ate.  If we hadn’t been on Weight Watchers we both probably would have eaten more. We ordered an appetizer and then each got a type of salad. I got a crab salad. We also both had an alcoholic drink. Alcohol does have quite a few “points” or calories.

Yesterday we talked about the “Three Rs”: Recognize, Reject and Replace.

Recognize what is a “trigger” food for you. Something that you just can’t resist.

Reject it. Don’t purchase it in the first place.

Replace it with something else so that when you get a craving you already have something at home and available to eat.

I used to say I was treading water and that was okay because I enjoyed swimming. I wasn’t sinking or drowning and I wasn’t struggling.  Everything was okay. (See my February post about treading water and the stigma of mental illness here.

Well, today I met with a a person to give me business advice.

He said to me, “NG  you have been saying for months that you are doing a half-baked job, you just need to set your mind to it that you are going to really work and to an excellent job.”  He went on to say that I knew good from half-baked why did I continue to do a half-baked job?

I wanted to say, “You know, I know how to do a better job, but you have no idea how fast I have to run to just keep my head above water and now, well, now I am floating, and floating feels pretty darn good.”

I used to have an anxiety disorder. I used to be medicated.

Course if I really believed that just floating was okay I wouldn’t have contacted him for advice on how to improve my skills.

My customers don’t care what my problem is. All they care about is a good product, which I give them at this time. But I want to some day get off disability so I need to do an even better job so I can command more money.

So on the one hand I am asking for advice and my friend is telling me…you just need to set your mind to it and do it.  On the other hand part of me doesn’t really know if I can. I lack self-confidence. I think as long as I am not stressed out and medicated who cares….I am floating…and it feel so good.

And then someone on a listserve or group sends you a link of how the insurance reps can deny you insurance when you need it for a life threatening condition because you honestly forgot to tell them about some minor ailment you had treated and you wonder, “Why am I even trying to do this?”

Because I feel the disability it holding me back. I want to excell. I want write a books some day that say, “I was written off and look at me now.”

Well, here it is Monday and what have I accomplished?

Feels like not much in my work arena. I feel like a Jill-of-all-trades and master-of-none.

I went out with my husband on Friday night. We had a good dinner and we talked about his counselor. He likes this guy. He said this guy asked  if labels had hurt him and if he could relabel his experiences how would he label them to explain to others what had happened to him during his life.

My hubby it would say parts of his life that have psych labels are like a dream. [That still doesn’t give it a label though]

He doesn’t want to continue with his anger management courses because he says they want to know a whole bunch [ten pages of forms] of personal stuff and want him to sign a release of information form. I guess I don’t blame him.  But I do think the course would be good for him.

He does seem to like the new counselor guy.

On Saturday I stayed over night.

On Sunday we went to church and then out to a picnic. Then I went home to my studio. Later I went back over to his place and we watched a video. Then I went back to my studio.

I am thinking I might just delete some of the posts about him. He won’t even take the anger management class because he is so worried about the release of information forms and here I am blogging about it on the Internet.

He would be horrified.

I have a date with my husband tonight.

I am currently feeling comfortable, centered and content.

modelntl1The 2 parts of the 4 compenents of Nonviolent Communication
The 2 parts of the 4 components of Nonviolent Communication

Hmm, maybe that doesn’t make sense because on the same token I am trying to plan my future. I wonder if I can ever have the relationship I want with my husband and I worry if I can ever support myself if I lose my disability.

The other night in my women’s group we learned about Nonviolent Communication. This is a whole theory and technique on how to express yourself without doing verbal damage to others. We call talk more harshly than we even realize.

So, I KNOW that my husband is verbally abusive.  But I thought my responses to him were rational and logical. But I wasn’t speaking to him from the heart.

I was saying to him, “YOU INSULTED me.  ” I didn’t say, “I feel hurt when you say xyz. ”  There is a difference.

The are four components of NVC:
1. observation

2. feeling

3. needs

4. request

From their website:

Nonviolent Communication is:

This approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is NOT about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate giving.

I have been busy and not able to do as much research on topics that I am interested in for this blog. “Survivor” left some comments on aluminum and fluoride that make a person kinda scared to use dish soap or antiperspirants.

On a more personal note, my hubby keeps making excuses for why he can’t make an appointment for anger management. He says he has phoned but the leader is never there. He won’t leave a message because he doesn’t want to be phoned at work.

I don’t understand why he can’t leave a message and have the counselor phone him back on his cell phone at which point he can take his cell phone outside to the parking lot and talk there.

When I told my hubby how much it hurt me that he didn’t want to have sex very often and he has never orgasmed with me, he told me, “Well, you don’t know what you are doing.”

That’s nuts. I had a full, active sex life before I met him. He can’t orgasm because I don’t know what I am doing? Sorry, I don’t buy that.

I don’t know why I stay with the man. I always thought I had a high sex drive and like variety; I am adventuresome and I am understanding.

I can’t imagine spending the rest of my life with a man who has never had an orgasm with me. He also doesn’t like oral sex and doesn’t like hand jobs. I used to pride myself at my techniques.

He even told me off one time while I was having an orgasm. I was whispering his name…thinking it would turn him on. He said something like, “shut up” or something. It was humiliating.

He claims he doesn’t remember.

Wow, this makes him sound like a real jerk. Why do I stay? Well, I am out…in a one room studio. I stay because I hate being lonely. I stay because we both hate the psych industry. I stay because I feel like we were cellmates in a torture camp and promised to help each other bust out and survive in the real world. I stay because I don’t know if I can make it financially on my own. I stay because I am worried he will go nuts with out me and end up locked up in a pysch unit somewhere.

Photo of chld and pills from Care 2 story

Photo of chld and pills from Care 2 story


by Eric Steinman

A very odd parlor game that some of my family members like to play (this is extended, not immediate family) is diagnosis the disorder. This alternately humorous and horrifying pastime consists of select family members (some with medical and psychological backgrounds and some just with their very assured opinions) talk about members of the family (in present company or not) and try to arrive at a consensus about what sort of psychological disorder they are suffering from.

Read more here

Well today I purchased Secret antiperspirant and deodorant.  It has aluminum in it and many other things.  I want to do some research on this.  I am using it because I have tried many of the natural deodorants and antiperspirants, but they don’t work for me.  I kinda have a problem. As  as it is graduation and wedding season, I am not going to walk around having  B.O. as I greet my friends and relatives.  I am out of town visiting and I did ask my aunt if I could take a shower in the middle of the afternoon. Then I went out an bought the Secret.

June 2009
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