I have a counseling session today. Three weeks ago I was supposed to write down what I have for self-esteem and happiness.

I think the whole reason I got into this depression and mental health fiasco is because I have low self-esteem. I was anxious and nervous and depressed. I went for help and the next thing you know I am on a roller coaster of prescription drugs…and ….read the beginning of my blog.

I really don’t want a second divorce, but I don’t want to live without sex. My sex life is pathetic. My husband has a low drive and he has hurt my feelings so much that I just can’t relax. I used to have a very high sex drive. He has rejected my sexual advances so many times…and now when he says he wants it…which is so far a few between, but when he says he does….I feel kind sick. He refuses to go for counseling for this issue. He has a counselor, but I don’t think he has brought up this issue

Well, this is supposed to be about me, what do I have to have.

  1. Someone who respects me
  2. food
  3. shelter
  4. health care
  5. alternative health care
  6. friends
  7. “social standing” or a place within the little group I respect….not the “blue bloods” or the “high class”.
  8. Enough money to cover my bills. Right now I don’t have that much. My biggest expensive are for a little efficiency apartment, my health insurance….yes, even if you are on Medicare you still have to purchase it, a supplemental policy and some prescription or supplements. This counseling session is $90.00 because Medicare doesn’t cover it.
  9. I was going to say sex…but heck, I lived with a low or nonexistent sex life for so long now, maybe I don’t. It’s more than just sex. I think the phsyscial touch is healing. I am not getting that special healing…sexual healing…like the song

So, what kinds of things do you need to be happy? If you are in a mental health system, have they helped you?

I went to a lady who studies energy. She said the chakra around my throat felt low or tight or whatever. She said that was the truth chakra…yes, I don’t let people know about my mental health history. And I don’t have the nerve to tell my husband that I am unhappy…well, heck..he knows I don’t live with him. But I don’t tell my friends and family that I am separated…..I do feel like I hide the real me. But you see, used to run around blabbing about myself to everyone.

I had to search far and wide to find this woman who will agree with my rejected of psych drugs.

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