I have a counseling session today. Three weeks ago I was supposed to write down what I have for self-esteem and happiness.
I think the whole reason I got into this depression and mental health fiasco is because I have low self-esteem. I was anxious and nervous and depressed. I went for help and the next thing you know I am on a roller coaster of prescription drugs…and ….read the beginning of my blog.
I really don’t want a second divorce, but I don’t want to live without sex. My sex life is pathetic. My husband has a low drive and he has hurt my feelings so much that I just can’t relax. I used to have a very high sex drive. He has rejected my sexual advances so many times…and now when he says he wants it…which is so far a few between, but when he says he does….I feel kind sick. He refuses to go for counseling for this issue. He has a counselor, but I don’t think he has brought up this issue
Well, this is supposed to be about me, what do I have to have.
- Someone who respects me
- food
- shelter
- health care
- alternative health care
- friends
- “social standing” or a place within the little group I respect….not the “blue bloods” or the “high class”.
- Enough money to cover my bills. Right now I don’t have that much. My biggest expensive are for a little efficiency apartment, my health insurance….yes, even if you are on Medicare you still have to purchase it, a supplemental policy and some prescription or supplements. This counseling session is $90.00 because Medicare doesn’t cover it.
- I was going to say sex…but heck, I lived with a low or nonexistent sex life for so long now, maybe I don’t. It’s more than just sex. I think the phsyscial touch is healing. I am not getting that special healing…sexual healing…like the song
So, what kinds of things do you need to be happy? If you are in a mental health system, have they helped you?
I went to a lady who studies energy. She said the chakra around my throat felt low or tight or whatever. She said that was the truth chakra…yes, I don’t let people know about my mental health history. And I don’t have the nerve to tell my husband that I am unhappy…well, heck..he knows I don’t live with him. But I don’t tell my friends and family that I am separated…..I do feel like I hide the real me. But you see, used to run around blabbing about myself to everyone.
I had to search far and wide to find this woman who will agree with my rejected of psych drugs.
6 comments
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July 28, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Laura
I can completely understand your feelings concerning sex. When I first got married my sex life was just plain rotten. I had a high libido and my husband basically rejected me. I would bring it up to him repeatedly but he would never explain what was going on so I took it really personally. Now that the damn Risperdal has killed my sex drive, he suddenly decided he’s in the mood all the time. I just can’t win.
I think happiness for me would be good health and financial security. I have neither at the moment and so I feel like I’m constantly battling with depression.
July 29, 2009 at 11:46 am
naturalgal
Hi Laura,
Yes good health and financial security are important. Isn’t life weird. I am sorry that you and your husband have flipped-flopped in desire.
Someone suggested to me that the reason my husband’s desire is low is because he knows mine is high. Like he is doing it on purpose. That is kinda too weird to me. But then it makes me wonder if that could be the case with your man too and that is why he has flipped flopped. Is that too weird for you? Or do you think there is a chance that is what is going on?
July 30, 2009 at 3:00 am
PJ
Sorry to hear about all the stuff that’s going on. ((Ng))
July 30, 2009 at 5:42 am
naturalgal
I feel my husband is the one who needs to do the work on anger.
I hate it when people are angry with me and I avoid anger if I can. Which with my husband…I can not. He is very anger a lot of the time..
I am now taking a women’s support group class. It is a psycho-education type class. I started taking it because my husband was in the mens group. But he dropped out long ago.
July 30, 2009 at 7:27 am
PJ
When Dion and I seperated, I felt that HE was the one with the anger problems. However, once my counsellor started doing some anger work with me, I realized that I was angrier than I thought! All I did was take a simple test to see what my anger level was, then I was able to asess and go from there.
Just my experience!
July 30, 2009 at 11:09 pm
naturalgal
Hi PJ,
Of course you were angry. It sound like he wasn’t treating you very nicely.
There is something about your comment that bothers me. I guess it is just that so many abused women are made to feel like they have somehow done something to deserve the treatment they are getting.
Read a post I made in June:
https://naturalgal.wordpress.com/2009/06/19/