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I contacted SS about how to go off of SS seamlessly.

Does anyone know the steps. The woman on the phone said they might do a medical review of me. That is scary.


You know, most people don’t know how offensive that is. This weekend I went to a party where many people seemed “liberal” in their social beliefs. In fact they were angry because gays are not given equal rights. But in a previous conversation during the evening someone had mentioned Mary Todd Lincoln and how Abraham Lincoln should have divorced her because she was mentally ill. I just about said, “So, maybe he loved her.” Or “Well if she had had MS should she be divorced?

It really bugs me when people say things like that.

One time in talking to a friend I told her about some strange behavior of my husband. She said I could divorce him if he were mentally ill. She had no idea how that just shut me up about telling her any of my issues. She had no idea that I was once labeled “mentally ill.”

You might want to read this story about her in Newsweek: Helcat or Helpmate: The Mary Todd Lincoln Sage

I couldn’t find something I was looking for today.  My friend suggested I take ADHD medication.  I said, “No way!”

We wrote out our goals. One goal was for us to be nice to each other. Seems like common sense, doesn’t it. Well, that wasn’t a goal that we wrote down when we got married because I’m sure neither one of us thought it would be a problem.

I am listening to public radio and they are talking about paying taxes. I really like what Commentator Harriet Brackey says. She says,” The pain you feel on tax day isn’t all bad.” She says this becuase the process forces you to look at what you have or have not accomplshed over the year. Well, doing the taxes forced me to sit down and talk to my husband about other things too. Like goals in our marriage.  Whenever you have suffered a serious bout of mental illness it is scary to go out on your own.  I haven’t been happy with my husband and have been living separately from him.  He really wants me to move back in with him.  I think I want to. It should would be a lot easier financially.

I married my husband because I was really lonely and he accepted what had happened to me through the psych system…or thought he accepted me, but didn’t agree with how I was treated.  Sometimes he can be a little rude and my feelings get hurt. But sometimes someone who has manners and treated you as if you are mentally ill can be worse.

Many months ago I decided that I didn’t have to choice. I could be by myself. But now, looking at how piddly my income is coupled with my husband wanting me back has caused me to re-evaluate the situation.

Do you understand why someone who has suffered mental illness treatment would stay with someone he or she wasn’t to sure about the love?

Today I visited a new blog, Wildflowers Movement.  I really like this quote in the sidebar:

The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say.
-Anais Nin

Today I am feeling frustrated with myself.  I do feel successful in the fact that I am med-free and seen as a success by the general world, but I am so tired all the time.  I don’t know why. I wonder if I am not getting something type of nutrient that I need.

There is a big conference coming up, but I really don’t want to go because I dread the traveling and know I will get tired.  I used to love traveling.

To be fair, I do have a slight sore throat. I rarely get physically sick. Early this month I had a slight cold with an incredible sleepiness. I can’t remember the last time I was physically sick. I feel a few months ago and have some aches from that. I have been get massages, but I haven’t been doing the exercises that I should to build up the muscles where I fell.

April 2010
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