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I know I should be writing more than I do. There is a lot to tell. I’m just too scared that if I tell too much of it that I will be found out.
I’ve become my own best friend.
My job is stressful although many people think it is a fun job. Others want me to be happy. They ask me if I like my new job. I say I really miss my old job.

I have a constant ache in my left shoulder. It is related to stress. I miss my life 20 years ago…..the good parts certainly not the bad parts…the parts that made me go to a doctor and ask for pills.
Sometimes I think that God has plans for me. And then I wonder if a psych-doc heard me say that if he would say I have grandiose ideas.

I miss the time that I had a a little girl and a husband I really loved and felt close to. Now my little girl is all grown up. I think the only thing my current husband and I have in common is our commitment to escape the hellhole of psych drugs and psych diagnoses.
He doesn’t’ really seem to be that “into’ me. I am unable to tell him I love him. Yet we live a life of incognito together hiding our psych diagnoses. It seems better than living alone and in poverty. I just wish he had more of a sex drive. I think about finding someone to love me all the time…or should I say, someone to make love to me. I am a HWP and told by many that I am pretty. I just don’t know why he doesn’t initiate intimacy more often.

August 2011
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