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color exercise books

I chose this graphic to symbolize back to blogging.

Hi, I’ve haven’t posted since 2015. A lot has happened since that time. I quit my job, which put me in daily contact with prestigious people and the movers and shakers of our community.  I sunk into a depression. I  dug myself out of that depression, took care of my elderly mother, whom was my best friend. While I was taking care of her I was mentally fine. After she died I came home to no job, a lost of contact with the outside world and because of a car accident — no transportation.

But I’m here today to tell you that even if you do relapse, you don’t have to totally depend on psychiatric drugs to get well. At several points I felt that I needed to be stuck in a psych ward, and I was desperate to take any psychiatric drug. It felt like my heart was outside of my chest and pounding violently. I felt like crying or screaming, but no tears would come. I was super lonely. I felt normal only in the presence of others. I visited with our parish nurse, she suggested grief counseling.  I used my husband’s EAP (Employee Assistance Plan) to find out what they had to offer. After phoning the number a nice voice asked me some gentle questions. One of them was, “Are you thinking about joining your loved one?” No I wasn’t. I was just going nuts. She gave me the names of approved providers that the company would pay for three sessions with. I don’t know why, but first I made an appointment with a psychologist who had a good reputation in town for grief work. My husband drove me to the appointment. which was inside of a hospital. I met with her, took an inventory, I think it was Beck’s Depression Inventory.  I scored as severely clinically depressed. That physiologist urged me to call my medical doctor who worked for the competing hospital in town.  He wanted to put me on Prozac of Zoloft. I said, “No,” because I had taken both of those drugs in the past and they did nothing to help me. I also couldn’t sleep. I would lie awake at night, not daring to get up and do something as I didn’t want to spur a bout of mania.

I did decide to take some psychiatric medicine. I will elaborate on that.

(To be continued tomorrow)

 

 

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