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I mailed off the paperwork to SS yesterday to let them know that I now have a professional job and don’t need ss anymore.  I had phoned and mailed them a couple months ago. They then sent me  a bunch of new or more forms to fill out. The forms asked questions about employment from years ago. I m not sure why they were asking all those questions, because they should already have the answers to those in their files already. And some of the questions were about how much money I made in a specific month years ago.  I don’t have paperwork from that far back. Also questions abbot supervisor’s names from years ago…I don’t remember or those people have moved on to new jobs.

I phoned a woman at the office about a week and a half ago. She seemed friendly enough and just told me not to spend the SS money since I had started my new job. The paperwork asks for names and phone numbers of my current supervisor. I also told her I would prefer if they didn’t phone my boss and ask question because of the stigma involved. (I don’t need my new boss know that I have an illness.) The woman told me to simply write on the paperwork that I would prefer if they didn’t contact my new boss.

I was supposed to have finished the paperwork a couple of weeks ago, but I have been so busy with my new job AND the questions are about details and fact that I don’t know where the documentation is. Obsessive and organized  I am not. I finally figured I would just answer the paperwork questions the best I could so they would know that I was at least trying to answer them. sometimes in life trying to do something rather than doing nothing because you can’t do it correctly is the best way to get help or to let others know you are doing your best.

Henry Emmons, MD

Here is an interesting article about a doctor who uses holistic approach to help people diagnosed with mental illness. His name is Henry Emmons, M.D. and his website is Partners in Resilience

Capturing Calm

A Minnesota psychiatrist and author is trying to shake up how people think about mental illness.

By MAURA LERNER, Star Tribune

In psychiatry, “we focus almost entirely on what’s wrong,” said Emmons. “I began thinking about joy.” And about how he might help patients in the midst of life’s setbacks get it back.

“Henry takes the perspective that depression is a holistic disease,” said Lori Knutson, executive director of the Penny George Institute for Health and Healing in Minneapolis, where Emmons works two days a week. “It’s not about mental illness. It’s about mental health.” Read the rest of this entry »

I have a counseling session today. Three weeks ago I was supposed to write down what I have for self-esteem and happiness.

I think the whole reason I got into this depression and mental health fiasco is because I have low self-esteem. I was anxious and nervous and depressed. I went for help and the next thing you know I am on a roller coaster of prescription drugs…and ….read the beginning of my blog.

I really don’t want a second divorce, but I don’t want to live without sex. My sex life is pathetic. My husband has a low drive and he has hurt my feelings so much that I just can’t relax. I used to have a very high sex drive. He has rejected my sexual advances so many times…and now when he says he wants it…which is so far a few between, but when he says he does….I feel kind sick. He refuses to go for counseling for this issue. He has a counselor, but I don’t think he has brought up this issue

Well, this is supposed to be about me, what do I have to have.

  1. Someone who respects me
  2. food
  3. shelter
  4. health care
  5. alternative health care
  6. friends
  7. “social standing” or a place within the little group I respect….not the “blue bloods” or the “high class”.
  8. Enough money to cover my bills. Right now I don’t have that much. My biggest expensive are for a little efficiency apartment, my health insurance….yes, even if you are on Medicare you still have to purchase it, a supplemental policy and some prescription or supplements. This counseling session is $90.00 because Medicare doesn’t cover it.
  9. I was going to say sex…but heck, I lived with a low or nonexistent sex life for so long now, maybe I don’t. It’s more than just sex. I think the phsyscial touch is healing. I am not getting that special healing…sexual healing…like the song

So, what kinds of things do you need to be happy? If you are in a mental health system, have they helped you?

I went to a lady who studies energy. She said the chakra around my throat felt low or tight or whatever. She said that was the truth chakra…yes, I don’t let people know about my mental health history. And I don’t have the nerve to tell my husband that I am unhappy…well, heck..he knows I don’t live with him. But I don’t tell my friends and family that I am separated…..I do feel like I hide the real me. But you see, used to run around blabbing about myself to everyone.

I had to search far and wide to find this woman who will agree with my rejected of psych drugs.

I am currently feeling comfortable, centered and content.

modelntl1The 2 parts of the 4 compenents of Nonviolent Communication
The 2 parts of the 4 components of Nonviolent Communication

Hmm, maybe that doesn’t make sense because on the same token I am trying to plan my future. I wonder if I can ever have the relationship I want with my husband and I worry if I can ever support myself if I lose my disability.

The other night in my women’s group we learned about Nonviolent Communication. This is a whole theory and technique on how to express yourself without doing verbal damage to others. We call talk more harshly than we even realize.

So, I KNOW that my husband is verbally abusive.  But I thought my responses to him were rational and logical. But I wasn’t speaking to him from the heart.

I was saying to him, “YOU INSULTED me.  ” I didn’t say, “I feel hurt when you say xyz. ”  There is a difference.

The are four components of NVC:
1. observation

2. feeling

3. needs

4. request

From their website:

Nonviolent Communication is:

This approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is NOT about getting people to do what we want. It is about creating a quality of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate giving.

Stock trader
Most researchers are focused on the negative impact of stress on the body and how to cope with its effects. But could there be any benefit to this pervasive part of the everyday American experience?  


Bruce Rabin: Neuroimmunologist, pathologist, and psychiatrist at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.
Dean Ornish: Founder and president of the nonprofit Preventive Medicine Research Institute. He is clinical professor of medicine at the University of California, San Francisco.


Tonight I tried out another women’s group. I think I will like this group. It is a closed group, meaning people can not just join at any time, but at set times…like every couple months. That way there aren’t new people every time you meet. The whole thing is supposed to go for 6 months, once a week.

I like the way the leader moderates the group and she gives each member a three-ring binder  with group principles, participant responsibilities and facilitator responsibilities. Each week we get new sheets of paper with new concepts to discuss in group. We can add those to our books which have tabbed dividers. 

I feel that with a closed group we can develop relationships and trust with each other. There are some rules too…one of them is if you bring food you must bring enough to share with the whole group…and I was thinking of bringing an organic orange for myself…at 69 cents a piece, I don’t know that I want to bring oranges for 8 to 10 women each time.

I wish there was a similar type group for my hubby. I think he would like the structure and having something tangible to take home and read.


Is your partner a narcissist?

Is your partner a narcissist?



Do you suffer from shame or low self-esteem

Do you suffer from shame or low self-esteem







Is your partner a narcissist, do you struggle with low self-esteem and shame? If you have been thinking in those terms, I would like to share of the books/literature/websites that have helped me. 

You know, ALL  people diagnosed with mental illness have been told they need to take medication and that they have a life-long disease that they will constantly battle. But one group is given less hope than those labeled bipolar or schizophrenic. Those are the people labeled narcissists. They are believed to be incurable.

Many men who have an abusive history have narcissistic tendencies. When I began searching for help in my relationship with my husband I had a hard time figuring out what to do. Those in the domestic abuse field often say a man is never cured…or it takes hard, difficult work. 

   I found Kim Copper’s “Back from the Looking Glass E-Book” to help me deal with my husband. I think it is helping. I also have started reading her blogs. She has some unique ideas on how to deal with a verbally abusive husband. An added bonus and nice surprise…she is really into healthy eating. Take a look at her husband, Steve, and the good food they eat here. She believes in Omega 3s and amino acids too! Kim and her husband, Steve have a blog and book “The Love Safety Net.” and a website “

(Please be very careful if you believe your life is in danger and do whatever you need to do to stay safe.)

Another a workbook that has been helpful to me and I hope that my husband reads is “The Positive Attitude Workbook” by Lyle Wildes and Joe Kelly. This workbook discusses our attitudes and how we can work with change and what we perceive to be negative to turn it to a positive situation. It is also good for learning how to turn behavior from anger that turn to abuse into changing our thoughts so that we do not become so angry and become abusive…or depressed, or have low self-esteem.

I highly recommend. “The Emotional Freedom Workbook Take it seriously and fill in the worksheet. This book changed my life!  Here is just a little of what the website says: Life changing insights on overcoming shame, depression and unhealthy relationships.

When your dreams get derailed, the culprit can usually be found hiding in your emotional life. It is a pattern of attitudes, habits, or relationships that won’t allow you to move forward, no matter how much you tell yourself you want to.


Another good book is John Bradshaw’s “Healing the Shame that Binds You”. 

From the website: “…Toxic shame, most often experienced in childhood, results in the breakdown of our self-esteem, the destruction of the family system, an inability to move forward and form lasting intimate relationships in our lives.”

Dale Carnegie’s book How to Stop Worrying and Start Living.  Read a synopsis here.

So, if you are looking for more than a diagnoses and  medication, which I am sure you are or you wouldn’t be reading this blog, and you want something more than just changing what your eat or taking supplements, try some of these books…and do the heavy work of changing your attitudes.

It will take hard work to overcome those thoughts. Your brain wants to go back to default. Try this: Take your hands off the computer and fold them together with your fingers and thumbs interlacing.  Now, look at your top thumb and reverse those thumbs and fingers. Put the thumb that is now on the top, second.

Doesn’t that fill strange?  What do you want to do? You want to go back to what feels right, you want to put your finger back the “right way.” That’s the default…and that’s what your brain wants to do too. But you can overcome your thoughts…which direct your behaviors. (Hat tip to Lyle Wildes)


Research supports my previous post:

Take small steps, an article

It is also what Flylady and the Organizer Lady preach too!

In my search to become more organized I found a new website, The Brat Factor.

It is about not procrastinating and doing what you are supposed to do. I put off doing things and then my house get messy, I can’t find important documents for work and I feel just awful. I have found that hiring a person to help me organize at $20.00 and hour helped me more than most counselors or psychiatrists who charge much, much more.

My organizer has mentioned that she thought I had ADHD….I don’t believe it…but I a not going to challenge her. It is a nice “excuse” for my behavior and my mess.

Anyway I signed up for “The Brat Factor” and I received this inspirational message today.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose.”
Dr. Seuss

April 2019
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